Clumsy Cats

For reasons I’m not going to go into it here I’m tired and a little cranky. However, these reasons are what lead me to think about what I’m about to go on at length about here. How’s that for an unnecessary preamble?

We have a cat, Henry, who constantly knocks things over. He wanders into things, stomps you inappropriately, lands heavily on you and is generally a banging, squalling nuisance. However, Henry is not a clumsy cat. I’ve had a clumsy cat, years ago. Otter would walk into things as well, but always, not just when it was advantageous. She would jump up on chairs just as I was moving them out of the way, a look of bewilderment on her face as she plummeted through the now empty space. Her primary method of lying down was to walk next to the spot she wanted to lie in and simply fall over. I feel that she was just giving in to the inevitable.

Henry on the other hand, is intentionally clumsy. He is essentially using a wrestling move, one that you rarely see in the professional game, but which is all to common in the amateur arena: the oh-n0-I’m-tripping maneuver. Younger siblings will be very familiar with it. You walk up to your opponent and then feign tripping, unfortunately falling on top of your – usually much smaller – adversary. It’s most effect it it’s followed up with the I-can’t-see-to-get-up gambit.

While the objective in the sibling example is to … well, to sit on top of your sibling, Henry has a different goal. His assault begins the same, usually knocking something over, preferably something metal that will make a nice sound on the tile floor. Or he might stumble across your lap, pausing just for a moment to put all his weight in the least convenient of places. What he wants is for you to notice him and then realize that, instead of whatever you are currently doing, you should be either feeding him or letting him out.

There are times when the clumsy maneuver just doesn’t work. These are all the times. The clumsy maneuver doesn’t ever work for him because the clumsy maneuver pisses everyone off. As does another feline classic, the low-mournful-mew-designed-to-wake-the-baby. These are ways to get shot in the face with a spray bottle, not to get dinner.

In closing, I don’t really have a point today. I just was thinking about Henry’s clumsiness and thought I’d share.

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2 Responses to Clumsy Cats

  1. JenB says:

    You know, negative attention is still attention. Right now you’re teaching Abigail that she can meow at the sleeping cat & get squirt in the face with a water bottle.

    • Alex Gorman says:

      On an almost unrelated note, our all-purpose spray bottle has a diagram on the front to display the potential uses of said bottle, including washing windows, watering plants, etc. Among these is a picture of a cat.

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