On things to say to your sister: “Are you my conscience?”

On things to say to the road: “Are you my conscience, road?”

On things to shout after slamming your open palms into a random store front: “My conscience!”

On spilling a bowl of pretzels: “That was my fault. I’ll pick them all up.”

On five year plans: “I want to be an egg.”

On Daddy liking him just the way he is: “Mommy doesn’t. She likes me to be an egg.”

On spontaneous announcements, more than a month after the headwear in question was saved from a watery grave: “Klint just jumps in the water to rescue your hat.”

On standing in the middle of the kitchen with a butterfly net on his head: “Pull me, Abigail, pull me! Pull me to safety!”

On why he’s styling me with his Elmo comb: “So your hair can be nice and gray.”

On deli cheese: “Does baby swiss have babies in it?”