I’ll be putting together a more robust offering of photos and video from our trip to Disneyland, but for now I’ve got a video for you. I’d love to say that this was Abigail’s first experience on a roller coaster, but it wasn’t even her first experience on this roller coast. However, since she had no recollection of having been on a roller coaster before, this kind of counts as the first.
Abigail, it turns out, loves roller coasters.
As part of their promotion of their Spring issue, Big Pulp is putting parts of the magazine online. My story, Domestic Diva, is available in its entirety for your reading pleasure. You can go to the contents page of the issue to see the rest of the samples, which give you an idea of the type of material they print and see if you’d like to get a copy for yourself.
That’s really all I had to say today. Go nuts with the reading.
On the meaning of her love for Gabe: “I love you so much. I won’t throw you out in the trash!”
On gender difference: “Only mans don’t smell good. Not the girls!”
On dealing with canines: “Let’s run past those dogs before they chew on us!”
On what to say in front of your dad with your arms up: “‘Th-d-d-th-d’ means ‘pick me up’ in Spanish.”
On tissue paper marketing: “I’m enjoying this picture of a girl wiping someone’s nose off.”
On why her stuffed pirate dog has a sword: “He uses this to wake Madeleine up.”
On whether I can see the paper bag dragon she made at school: “No. He’ll kill you.”
On her paper bag dragon’s talents: “He knows how to wake up babies.”
On why her stuffed cat is a troublemaker: “He’s messing with popcorn. He’s eating it before it’s cooked.”
On expressions that she uses in almost any frustrating situation: “It’s no use!”
I thought we’d entered the Recursive Why phase of Abigail’s life some time ago, but I was wrong. Every story, every scene in every movie, every natural or social concept, requires that the question “why” be answered. While this sounds like a positive approach to exploring the world, you’d be surprised how often “why” is an inexact way to explore a given set of circumstances. Picture yourself watching a movie. Let’s say it’s Mary Poppins. Let’s say the titular character has just completed dancing on the rooftops with a group of filthy men in dark clothing. Songs have been sung. Fireworks have been launched. Chimneys have been leapt down.
“Why?”
My point is that the question “why” as a standalone word, or even modified with, “did they say that,” “did they do that,” “are those there,” or any other of the myriad additions a three year old might make, doesn’t provide any more precision to help a person – let’s say a dad – figure out how to answer the question being asked.
You can try for clarification, but you’ll often just trap yourself deeper in the recursive loop. If you discover that she’s actually asking why they danced on the roof, for example, you might choose to respond with a nuanced description of the characters’ shared desire to express themselves through music and movement. You can also probably guess the question that this prompts.
I’ve taken a cue from my wife and just started responding with, “Why do you think?” For example, this very evening we read the Velveteen Rabbit. Abigail was concerned that the rabbit and the other toys had to be thrown away after the boy had been very sick. She asked, naturally, “Why did the doctor make them thrown them out?”
“Why do you think?”
“Because they had germs on them.”
“That’s right. They had germs so they had to be thrown out.”
“Why?”
The system has its flaws.
I love Abigail and her words. I try to hang on to her best quotes, but I lose a lot of them. I hate that feeling of realization that there was something I meant to write down that’s now lost forever.
In that spirit, I would like to offer up a short list of words that I know aren’t long for her vocabulary, but which I would like to acknowledge the existence of. These are words that I very much enjoy. This is by no means a comprehensive list. She has a whole host of words that are all her own, but these stand out.
Presnets – These are things you get on your birthday or from Santa.
Breaktest – Every morning, Abigail comes into our room and says, “I’m ready for breaktest.” Every morning.
Restronaut – Abigail has loved eating out at restronauts for years. I’ve mentioned this one before. It’s still awesome.
Squirt down – This is new. It’s what she says when she wants Gabe lowered into her presence.
That is all.
Next month will mark a milestone for me: my first short story in print. My story “Domestic Diva” will appear in the Spring issue of Big Pulp magazine. You’ll find it down at the bottom, in the Fantasy section. It’s a strange feeling seeing my name in the contents of a magazine like that. An enthusiastic, fist-pumping kind of strange, but strange all the same.
I don’t have a history of writing a lot of fantasy. And believe it or not, I don’t have a history of writing a lot of comedy. But this story is both of those things.
In order to read it, you’ll have to get a copy. It’ll be out in a couple weeks, but you can pre-order it on Paypal. They will have an e-book format in the future and I’ll send that link out when it becomes available.
Update: That link didn’t work, so go to this page and click the “Buy Now” link under the Spring 2012 picture at the top.
I present, once more, the Gabe.
Of course, I will provide you with a whole pile of photos of Gabe, but I would like to start off with a photo from the recent visit of two unsavory characters, my uncles, John and Dick. The lighting was pretty bad, but I got a photo that pretty much summed up the visit.
Gabe couldn’t believe those guys.
Things around here are pretty good. It’s February in Southern California – planting season! Abigail and I planted some veggies. We’ll see how that goes. Gabe is expanding rapidly in all directions and seems to really enjoy the adoration of the masses.
See? He totally absorbed your adulation over the internet.
Of course, Gabe does his own share of adoring others. In particular, his sister.
And while he likes Uncle Sean, he’s also a little bored by him.
Actually, Gabe expresses his boredom more vociferously. That photo represents a triumph of baby-putting-to-sleep by Sean.
Gabe says he’s had enough of photos. We’ll have to do this photo-posting thing again some time.
One partially goes to routine appointments to find out if one actually has needs above and beyond the routine. And so it was for Abigail.
We took her to the dentist a couple weeks ago, expecting a quick cleaning and flouriding and then we’d be on our merry way. The dentist noticed a problem in one of her front teeth. The problem was that it was no longer alive and kicking, probably as a result of a fall, a bump or another sort of tooth bashing encounter. It had developed an abscess.
Eager to overcome this difficulty, we asked what we could do to alleviate the infection. So as not to alarm the three year old in the chair, the dentist mimed putting her hand over her own incisor and yanking down, making a click noise as she did so.
The tooth had to come out.
This course of action had no occurred to me at the time. It took me the next week, when we were giving her antibiotics to minimize the infection before the procedure, to come to terms with this. I looked for ways out of the procedure, alternatives. But there weren’t any. We didn’t want the infection to spread. The tooth had to go.
And so it did. I give you the new, the improved, the less infected, Abigail Gorman. Now with 5% more gaps!
She handled the procedure as a model patient and within a few hours she was her own self, very pleased with the new space in her mouth. She got to show it off as school and, being such an enthusiastic smiler, any she displays it every time we take a picture. All in all, she came through it better than I did.
It helped that the tooth fairy was extremely generous.
On what makes this toy special: “This pony is not for pooping on.”
On why she thought the apparently docile cat was about to attack: “He had his face on! His mad face on!”
On who that present is for: “That’s for that Gabester right there, right?”
On why she doesn’t want to play with magnets: “I know, but I really don’t discover you with that.”
On reasons for speed in driving: “Hurry up! We got a crying baby!”
On the real name of the “step-in-time” scene in Mary Poppins: “Step-in-claw.”
On translating Dad’s thoughts on streaming HD: “It’s never going to match the quality, boys. Settle down your brains.”
On playing with Thomas in her clothes drawers: “So many undies for a train.”
On the existential nature of home improvement stores: “Home Depot has no fruit.”
On things she must pick up at school: “You’re killing me, Smalls!”
Today is Grandma Viki’s 56th birthday. We’re all spending a lot of time thinking about her today. She was one of the all-time great grandmas. Naturally, the kids spent the day doing what Grandma would have been helping them do anyway.
And here’s Grandma Viki and Abigail, doing that smiling thing that came so natural for them.
Happy Birthday, Viki. We love you and we miss you.
I don’t have much to add to this post. It provides a much needed dose of Gabe on the Internet. The lack of Gabe has been causing problems all over the web. You might have noticed Wikipedia was down the other day. I’m pretty sure this was due to a lack of Gabe pictures.
Let me start turning things around right away.
That should keep the vultures from circling for a few more minutes. In the meantime, I’ll report that Gabe is doing quite well. If by “quite well,” you mean, “gets at least one cold a month.” We have a direct pre-school to infant germ corridor. The fact that Abigail loves her brother and wants to spend all her time holding him doesn’t help the infection situation.
I wouldn’t give up their interaction for the world, however. I’m assuming this will just make Gabe’s immune system that much stronger. Sure, in the meantime, he kind of feels like this:
We also have plenty of time where he feels like this:
Yes, he’s smiling and has been for a while. But his smiles are pretty elusive. Getting a picture of one can be pretty tricky. So far Grandpa Bill and Abigail have been the best at eliciting smiles. Here’s one where Abs was my off-camera helper.
But enough words from me. I will allow the Gabe to speak for himself. I’ll only point out one last thing, which is that the temperature was probably in the 50s when this picture was taken. For San Diegans, this is the equivalent of 10 degrees below zero. The outfit is entirely justified.
Nonsensicles 