Drunken Baby

I haven’t posted in a while. But I’m planning on changing my ways, I swear!

To make it up to the teens of you who check this blog regularly, I give you this video, found via BoingBoing:

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , | 2 Comments

The Quotable Abigail, Part IX

On questions, intriguing: “Do you know what cupcakes look like when they’re all gone?”

On answers, surprising: “Like chocolate graham crackers.”

On reasoning, sound: “Because they’re really little.”

On suprising news, either genetic or gastronomic: “I have a baby llama in my belly.”

On the dangers of putting a new blanket down in her playhouse: “Don’t get my house on fire, okay?”

On the wonderful things you can learn on television: “Get your banana out of your ear, daddy.”

On why she is bringing that blanket into the kitchen: “I has a idea.”

On what her idea is, and why it involves a blanket next to a chair: “If I put the blanket here, maybe I can tip it over.”

On the right thing to say after dinner: “Thank you so much for giving me food, daddy. It makes my belly feel so much better.”

On the day’s end: “The sun is setting down and soon it will be on the floor just like that.”

Posted in Abigailia | Tagged | Leave a comment

Night Time

As she does every night, Abigail made sure her babies were put to bed.

She has quite a few babies. And a large number of other friends, who come in the form of a blue otter, a very odd monkey that crinkles and wears a fez, cats in several shades, a pink dachshund and any number of other critters. Most of them sleep in a large basket that Abigail actually inhabited when she was a baby. The others rest in what used to be Henry and Limbo’s cat beds, now converted to a higher purpose.

She covers them all with blankets, takes turns praising them and admonishing them, and then sends them off to sleep.

Oh, and Bengal is turned over onto his back and another blanket is laid over him. He’s much too big for the basket, you see.

We read four books tonight. It was only supposed to be three: Hondo and Fabian, Caps for Sale and Hop on Pop. However, when Hop on Pop came up, she declared that we had to read one more. I asked her which one she wanted.

“I don’t want … I don’t like …,” she muttered to herself. I didn’t say anything as she zeroed in on it.

“He doesn’t like … Green Eggs and Ham.” She announced at last. I can’t tell you how much I loved watching her thought process play out like that.

After we finished that last book, we had to go over the train section a couple times. She rightly had concerns over its route.

Once we were done with the last book, I switched off the light and turned on her star turtle, like I do every night. I thought she’d roll over and go to sleep right away, which is always the height of awesomelyness (It is a word. Shut up.) at bedtime. However, after a few minutes, she rolled over and started checking out my face. By which I mean, with her hands. I took off my glasses to let her do this. There were rules, however.

“Don’t stick your fingers in other people’s noses, honey.” She’d managed a quick stab into both nostrils, declaring each time that there was snot.

“Why?”

“Because people don’t like that.”

A little later, she asked, “What’s your name, Daddy? Is it Owex?”

I ignored her for a moment and then after she pressed (She can really press. It’s a talent.) agreed that, yes, it was Owex. And it went on like this for a while. Sleep is never a gentle process for Abigail, except on days of highest awesomelyness. She fights sleep like a mortal enemy, her hands fidgeting, her mind clearly racing for the next thing. It sounds familiar. I expect to find her reading by flashlight under her covers some day in the not too distant future. I got away with that far more often than I got caught.

This all just seems like a big ramble at this point, since I have written myself into a story with no ending. I mean, we needed Momma’s help to get Abigail to bed tonight, so it was actually a pretty tough bedtime. But I still really enjoyed my time with her. Watching the way she interacts with the world is engrossing.

Posted in Abigailia | Tagged , | Leave a comment

The Quotable Abigail, Part VIII

On the giant lumpy stuffed penguin in her classroom: “This is baby’s daddy.”

On contrition: “I’m sorry or something.”

On eyes: “We all have stars in our eyes.”

On eyes, feline: “Henry and Limbo have diamonds in their eyes.”

On alarming things to say while holding a cup at the dinner table: “Something needs water on it.”

On her somewhat abstract yet gleeful suggestion for what she might moisten: “Beeeeeaard?”

On the acoustics of her footwear: “My flip flops make a lovely sound!”

On being told that big girls listen to their daddies: “And little girls don’t!”

Posted in Abigailia | Tagged | 1 Comment

Qualitate over Quantitate

I recently received a spam email offering “the most qualitative” replica watches available on the market. Now, while I assume they were actually trying to say that their watches were of high quality and the copy writer simply felt that more syllables added emphasis, I would like to take them at face value.

The basic utility of your average watch is normally based strictly on how they function quantitatively. When it is four pm, you want a watch that tells you, precisely, with numbers and everything, that it is four pm.

Presumably, qualitative watches behave differently. They aren’t constrained by the limited, linear numerical framework of quantitative time. I assume you would get approximations, impressions, perhaps just a feel for what time it is. Perhaps the watch would just tell you it’s fourish, or mid-to-late afternoon.

Or even better, it might give you a feeling for what time is seems like. For example it might tell you that it’s late afternoon but that it feels earlier. When you’re at work, it might tell you that it feels like the middle ages.

Or maybe the watch doesn’t have any particular feelings on the time at all. Maybe the focus group it has connected to via satellite doesn’t really care what time it is and just showed up for the free coffee and bagels.

Regardless, I want a qualitative watch.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | 1 Comment

Musical Nostalgia

Do you ever have one of those “just gotta listen to Def Leppard” days?

Neither do I. At least not usually. However last night I had the overwhelming urge to listen to Hysteria. I listened to this album almost constantly in 1988, but have picked it up only rarely since.

Normally if I have a craving for a D band it ends up being Depeche Mode. But with them I can only do one, maybe one and a half songs and then I’m done.

Depeche Mode is like eating fudge. Consuming a lot of it only seems like a good idea before you start.

My interaction with Def Leppard was different though. It was more like having dinner with an old friend you hadn’t seen in years. A dinner just long enough for you to question all the decisions that friend has made.

Laser noises, really?” You might say. “And that voiceover by Margaret Thatcher seems really … relevant.”

And then there are those awkward moments when you realize that your friend’s views on certain issue lack a level of nuance. “The song Women is particularly interesting. Yes, they are pretty. Yes there are a lot of pretty women.”

There’s some cringing and the only comfortable conversation is about the good old days, but you leave the meeting feeling like you reconnected with something that was, at least at one point, important to you.

Anyway, I’ve moved on to Nine Inch Nail’s Ghosts, a companion I can at least introduce to my friends without embarrassment.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | Leave a comment

Weightless Cats

I haven’t posted anything in a while, so I thought I’d best get at least something on the page.

That is why you get this video. Also because this video is awesome.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | Leave a comment

The Quotable Abigail, Part VII

On credible accusations: “Baby hit me with her face!”

On why should should be allowed to watch her mouse DVD: “Just in case.”

On why she doesn’t want to wear that shirt: “Because my dog doesn’t like it.”

On a certain Rose Parade float: “Pac-Man is my sister.”

On why she should be allowed to sit closer to the fire: “Why? When I was a baby I had fire.”

On how she can be of service: “Let me know if you need any fire help, Daddy.”

On easy demands to agree to: “Don’t bite my flower off my dress.”

On what to shout at the people across the street, whose dog Daddy has just described as a barker: “Hi, Barker!”

Posted in Abigailia | Tagged | Leave a comment

The Big Girl Camera

Abigail got herself a big girl camera this Christmas.

Well, technically, she got it on New Year’s Day, since that’s when we did Christmas with the Southern California family, but it was still a gift from Santa so the timing of the actual delivery of the gift should be moot, right?

Anyway, we meant to give her this gift on the traditional day you give Christmas gifts, but we couldn’t find it. I mean, Santa couldn’t find it, so he didn’t bring him with it on the plane to Northern California. He figured that Abigail hadn’t mentioned it in weeks, so we’d … I mean, he’d just find it and give it to her later. However, when Abigail picked up her first gift on Christmas morning, I asked her what she thought it was and she said, with a slight gasp, “My big girl camera?”

Dammit, said Santa to himself.  I presume, anyway.

It turns out Abigail was driven half crazy by the Christmas madness and forgot all about it, so we were able to put it off until today.

What follows is a summary of her best shots of the day. See if you can tell which ones she received assistance with and which ones are pure Abigail.

Posted in Abigailia | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Christmas Quotables, with unhelpful photos

Abigail, on the trials of continual family visits: “But Abigail is so tired!”

My dad, on things that confuse him: “I don’t understand sweater lust.”

Abigail, on aviation mechanics: “Do airplanes go pee pee?”

Abigail, on contradicting Dad’s answer, with irrefutable, visual evidence: “I saw an airplane going pee pee.”

Abigail, on Daddy peeing too much: “That’s enough. You’re going to fill it up.”

Beatrice, on communal jammie time: “We’re all getting naked!”

Abigail, on a separate occasion: “I’m so, so naked!”

Abigail, jumping around and really enjoying the second occasion: “I’m a big girl and I’m naked!”

Abigail, on what to call grandma: “Grampat.”

Abigail, on what to call grandma after hearing someone else call her Grampat: “No, her name is Gramma Pat.”

My dad, on being told not to forget socks: “She’s dead, Alex. Stop bringing her up.”

Abigail, on the current status of her house: “My other house broke, so I had to buy a new one at the store.”

Greg, after a few drinks, on what his kids need: “They need to know … that the world doesn’t just always … stay on play.”

Posted in Abigailia | Tagged , | 2 Comments