Just thought I’d share this gem my dad sent me the other day. He’s the one on the left in the photo. He was six. The man in the back is my grandfather, Jerome, and the little one is Denis. We don’t discuss him much. He’s trouble.
I thought I’d juxtapose that photo against one taken earlier this year, featuring a slightly older Mike Gorman along with his progeny and grand progeny.
Some of you may be surprised to learn that I am a bit wordier around Abigail than one might normally be around a 2 year old. Or a 1 year old. Or an infant.
Vocabulary comes with the territory with me. If you’re wondering what I mean, you can watch this video. It presents a clear cut example of a sentence that is unlikely to avert disaster. Particularly when the potential disaster involves a pre-verbal, newly walking toddler.
But that’s more than a year old, the astute reader notes. Don’t you have any more recent examples of assuming toddlers are more verbose than current data suggests? Don’t you, in fact, have an example that inspired this very post.
Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. And I’m wondering how you made what seems to be a very specific and accurate guess.
Suspicious.
Today, during her bath, Abigail wanted me to get her Elmo submarine to work. Well, Elmo’s sub has been in dry dock for some time, with no signs that he’ll be back to harrying the enemy shipping lanes any time soon. I tried to get him to work, but I wanted to make sure that Abigail understood that I probably wouldn’t succeed. I chose what turned out to be my favorite thing I’ve ever said to her. Jessica laughed from the other side of the house.
“Can you lower your expectations for Daddy?”
There are times when you just get overwhelmed, when the weight of parenting and work and writing and working on other projects on the side all get to be too much. This week was one of those times. I’ve actually been intensely busy, but I haven’t given the old blog the attention it deserves. My tens of readers deserve better. I will endeavor to do better. I even have ideas to this effect!
These ideas will be presented shortly.
Well, not too shortly. Could be longly. But definitely not too longly.
Perhaps the dry spell has been worth it if it’s defended you all from writing like that.
Since Paolo Bacipgalupi’s The Windup Girl is independently published, I submitted this review to the Spectrum Circus, which collects such things.
You can read my review here.
If you’re looking for a quick breakdown of what I thought of the book, this video pretty much sums up my feelings:
This is just awesome. Never before has a didgeridoo been so important to the Doctor Who theme song.
Seriously. No didgeridoos before.
Now, if they could just do Knight Rider and the Dukes of Hazzard, we’d be in business.
While most of the pictures I upload go directly with an Abigail story, I do occasionally find things to take photos of that are awesome in and of themselves. At the same time, I frequently find pictures to take of Abigail that don’t really have much more than a one line story related to them.
This post is for those pictures.
First of all, I wanted to make sure that everyone is aware that Chili’s now serves Daleks. I’m not sure if there are allowed into the store as patrons, but they are certainly served as food. I give you the following picture from their menu as evidence.
I have not actually eaten a Dalek yet, but I’m not more excited about the prospect than I was when I thought they just looked like this.
Moving on with the Doctor Who theme, I recently discovered that what we refer to simply as our “forehead thermometer” is actually a Temporal Scanner.
I haven’t managed to figure out how to detect fluctuations in the time/space continuum yet, but when I do, I will surely let you know.
On to Abigail related items. First of all, Abigail slept on her hand the other day. It’s sad and cute, with a side of hilarity.
I often find that the Starbucks drive through is a great place for photos, but this is particularly true when Abigail decides that one pair of glasses is insufficient.
Seriously, she does these things herself.
Since I showed it to you last week, I thought I’d reveal this week’s out-to-breakfast childrens menu art. This one really was a team effort. Abigail asked for a drawing of Maggie on her bed, then promptly drew the bed. Momma drew the border around it and I decided that I should go with the fetal Maggie with conjoined twin Abigail. It’s a limited edition.
Due to toddler impatience, this came very close to being just a conjoined Abigail head.
Speaking of art, I want to show you an Abigail original:
This is clearly a superhero. This figure is standing up for truth and justice at least. It could be the Uruguayan way, based on the color scheme. That’s not important. What’s important is to not think that it’s random toddler scribble. Clearly superhero.
And I’ll end with a photo that Abigail is likely to place deep psychological significance to in her teenage years:
Here’s was my submission to the family newsletter this last time.
Transcript of the Gorman Family Council, July, 2010
Speaker Momma: I move to end debate and bring Family Resolution 17, the Time to Leave the Park Act, up for a vote.
Representative Abigail: I would respectfully submit that we have had insufficient time to truly explore the option to run around on the grass. I feel we owe it to the entire Gorman family to remain at the park until such time that the grass has been thoroughly run upon.
Majority Whip Daddy: We have been all over this field today. I feel that continued running is unlikely to yield any additional benefits.
Representative Abigail: Given that naptime is still more than an hour away, I consider it premature to end debate at this time. I’m only afraid that unnecessary haste will lead to a poorly thought out bill.
Speaker Momma: I call for a vote. All in favor of ending debate on FR 17? I count 2 ayes. All opposed? (Gavel) The vote passes. The bill will move forward to a full vote.
Representative Abigail: I would like to add a one-more-time-on-the-slide amendment to the bill.
Speaker Momma: Does anyone second that vote? The motion fails.
Representative Abigail: I respectfully indicate that I am now rolling in the grass and plan to continue doing so for an indeterminate amount of time.
Speaker Momma: Let the record show that Representative Abigail is rolling in the grass.
Majority Whip Daddy: I would move to have the honorable representative from Vista picked up and carried.
Representative Abigail: I wish to drop the rolling portion of my previous statement and begin walking at an extremely slow pace toward the car.
Speaker Momma: Let the record show that Representative Abigail is walking toward the car, albeit with frequent stops to examine rocks and bushes.
Majority Whip Daddy: As I am personally carrying most of the heavy things, I would like to reiterate my earlier statement vis-a-vis the picking up of Representative Abigail.
Speaker Momma: I move toward picking up Representative Abigail.
Representative Abigail: I would like it added to the record that I am now running in the opposite direction.
Speaker Momma: Let the record show that Representative Abigail is now running in the opposite direction of the car. Let the record also show that Speaker Momma is pursuing.
Majority Whip Daddy: I regret that we’ve let our differences grow so intractable that we have to subject the entire Gorman Family to these delay tactics and political theater, especially with a bill as important as FR 17.
Speaker Momma: Let the record show that I am now carrying Representative Abigail. I would like to call for a vote on FR 17. All in favor?
Majority Whip Daddy: Aye.
Representative Abigail: In the interests of family solidarity and because now that I’m off my feet I have realized that I actually am pretty tired, I also vote Aye.
Speaker Momma: The Speaker votes Aye. FR 17 passes unanimously.
(Gavel)
On demographics, Daddy’s: “Daddy is a big girl and a little boy.”
On swings: “Swings make me high.”
On pillows, being used by baby: “That’s not baby’s pillow. That’s someone else’s pillow.”
On socks: “This one put on my foot and this one leave on my hand. It’s fine.”
On how much Madame Pompidom (fanciful cat, stuffed) weighs: “Ninety eight point six.”
On whether Daddy needs caffeine: “Daddy doesn’t need cat mean.”
On Eureka moments: “Momma’s mouth is a good idea.”
On important facts, confusion about: “Cars can sting you. A lot.”
On the existential truth about how you feel about finishing your cupcake: “I want to keep eating cupcake.”
We started our day as we usually do on a Saturday, at the Curbside Cafe. As is standard operating procedure, Abigail needed entertaining, so we set down to drawing pictures of dogs.
Actually, we drew pictures of Maggie in particular. Jessica drew the dog on the left below, which Abigail looked at and promptly said, “That’s not Maggie.” I ended up drawing the dog on the right, which our two year old art critic felt was a better representation of our faithful family canine.
Jessica naturally felt that she needed to redeem herself. Unfortunately, her next attempt to draw Maggie resulted in this:
After some initial neck problems, she decided to turn it into a sheep. I’m not convinced this is anything like a sheep. It looks more like a dog-llama-ostrich hybrid with the tail of a large tortoise. I mean, just look at that fluffy wing!
However, Jessica took one more shot and drew the dog sitting outside our window. With a model, she fared much better:
We hadn’t been to the Vista farmer’s market in quite a while, so we decided to stop by on our way home from breakfast. In addition to loading up on strawberries, peaches and tomatoes, we encountered a man with some birds. I’m not sure exactly what he was doing with all those parrots, macaws, and other assorted, highly plumaged animals, but the kids sure loved it.
Abigail was fascinated by the birds and only mildly concerned about the sharp toes digging into her skin. Apparently this guy rescues birds and trains them, although while we were watching the only trick any of them did was swing underneath his finger. These two had apparently been found abandoned in the desert and were given to him to rehabilitate. They’re now suitable for petting.
This had obviously been a pretty full day already, and it was getting late; it was almost 9:00 am. So we needed to really think about how we wanted to spend the rest of our morning. We couldn’t do just anything.
In the end, we decided there was only one activity that would really suit a warm, sunny, Southern California summer day. That’s right: a haircut!
They didn’t have places like this when I was a kid. Every chair is either a plane or a car or a boat, and has a television so the kids can watch videos in lieu of freaking out. The older kids can play video games while they get trimmed.
The highlight of the place – as Abigail will assert – is that you get a lollipop when you’re done.
She actually referenced the lollipop as soon as we mentioned getting a haircut, just to make sure she was clear on our terms. We’d only been there once before.
Then we went home for a nap, but it was a morning worth remembering. Thankfully, we have photographs, so we don’t have to remember.
I’m not sure how I missed this. I’m not sure any of us can afford to not read it.
It comes from here, but I think io9 summarizes the brilliance perfectly. That’s why I check that site regularly.
Total awesomeness.
Nonsensicles 