On-Field Family Drama

Posted on August 26, 2013 by Alex Gorman

Gabe likes books. Not only does he like them read to him, but he likes to read them to you. He’ll identify the characters and, briefly, describe the action.

One of the enduring classics in Gabe’s library has been Goal: My soccer book, by David Diehl.

Not only is this a colorful and engaging introduction to the sport of soccer, ideal for all ages, from the pre-verbal page biter to the grizzled old grandfather staring at the strange new sport on the television screen and asking, “Whuzzat?”

More importantly, Mr. Diehl’s book offers up what I consider to be one of the greatest pages in children’s illustration history. Here it is:

Just look at it. This page has it all. From the pathetic expression on the face of the orange-jerseyed victim, clearly flopping boneless to the ground in an attempt to get the call, to the righteous indignation of the offender, hands spread in enraged disbelief at the injustice of the the impassive official, this encapsulates the very essence of discipline in the sport of world football better then anything I have before scene.

Naturally, Gabe is a big fan of this page. Being one, he has attempted to fit the players show here into his world. For example, if you were to ask him, he would always inform you that the player being carded is “Momma.” And who has the authority to give Momma a yellow card? Well, “Daddy,” of course. My habit of walking around the house wearing all black and a whistle has really paid off here.

And lest we forget, the player being brutally thrown to the ground by Momma is “Uncle Sean.” Those who know Sean, I think you’ll agree that the likeness is uncanny.

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The Quotable Abigail, Part 54

Posted on August 22, 2013 by Alex Gorman

On Gabe’s next lesson on butterfly development: “Where did we leave off, Gabe?”

On the wonders of the Empire State, I. Addition to the trees, grass, fences, birds and very tall buildings: “I like that New York has one sun and, how many moons?”

On the egalitarian nature of air travel: “On planes, it doesn’t matter where you’re from.”

On dueling banjos: “It sounds like there’re cats running away from each other, doesn’t it?”

On observations at the supermarket: “I have really good eyes… Ooh, beer!”

On the true nature of the Cave of Wonders: “A cave that was wondering.”

On the important thing she had to tell me before I left the house: “Be aware of giants.”

On Gabe being born the day after Thanksgiving: “It was in the weekend you get to eat chicken.”

On the directions which are apparently written on a crumbly leaf that explain how to pick up Madeline and Beatrice: “Cross Melrose and look to the side… The airport!”

On potential punishments for poor listening: “Maybe you’ll take away all the things I love.”

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The Quotable Gabe, Part 4

Posted on August 18, 2013 by Alex Gorman

On Petaluma (<– Link!): “Milk! Milk!”

On how get your parents to turn on music: “Pandora!”

On topics of conversation with which to postpone bedtime: “Swim class. Groceries.”

On instructions for his sister as she enters the room: “Sit down.”

On the Grapes of Wrath: “Yay!”

On my bottle of beer: “Need cup!”

On my beer, once poured into a glass: “Drink it!”

On my beer, once sipped from a glass: “Again!”

On what to shout while running around like a maniac after placing bee stickers all over your shirt: “Bees!”

On alternate family setups: “Auntie Daddy.”

On imitating Daddy’s reaction to the extremely full diaper: “Jeez. O Pete.”

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Sweet Home

Posted on August 1, 2013 by Alex Gorman

My story, “Sweet Home” was published in Penumbra today. I think it’s one of the best stories I’ve ever written and I’m very proud to have it appear in Penumbra, a magazine I really enjoy reading.  It’s also the first time my name has been on the cover of a magazine. And even though ALL the authors are on the cover of the magazine, I still find this exciting.

Penumbra has a different theme for each issue and for August all the stories revolve around, “Revolution.” The stories they select are always compelling, so I recommend the magazine even if you’re not just buying it to read my story.

It’s an eMag, so you can click here, buy the issue and be reading it in PDF form immediately. Can’t wait to hear what you think.

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Penumbra Blogging

Posted on July 31, 2013 by Alex Gorman

My story “Sweet Home” will appear in the August issue of the Penumbra eMag and they asked me to write a blog post for them. You can find the post here, along with a dazzling photo of myself.

So that’s it. You’re doing your reading elsewhere today. On the Penumbra site, to be specific. Right here. Go there and read.

Goodbye.

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The Quotable Abigail, Part 53

Posted on July 30, 2013 by Alex Gorman

On shuffling her feet through a pile of clothes: “Look, dad. I’m exactly like R2D2!”

On her feet, after wearing sandals in New York City: “They’re black as sootlings, right?”

On discovering her cousin, Jessica, is unmarried: “I’m getting her a husband!”

On when you’ll be prohibited from hitting: “Not if it’s a dancing situation.”

On why she’s approaching me with a comb: “Want your initial hair done?”

On things to say to your brother in a sweet and loving voice: “Oh, Gabe, you’re so creepy.”

On why Mom should come closer: “Because I’m going to do something strange.”

On a picture of the pancreas: “And this is my squishy one.”

On whether she’s happy that Dad came home: “I’m more excited that you’re a partier.”

On her summary of courtship: “The boys show off and the girls watch the show.”

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Gabe on the Guitar

Posted on July 9, 2013 by Alex Gorman

Gabe week continues with this short clip. I believe it shows pretty clearly why Gabe is destined to be the greatest guitarist of all time.

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The Quotable Gabe, Part 3

Posted on July 8, 2013 by Alex Gorman

On a decorative pine cone he found in a drawer: “Poop.”

On whose pink sandals those are and what he’d like to do with them: “Shoes. Abigail. Wear.”

On the mixture of dried fruit and insects we feed Grandpa’s turtle: “Have some.”

On his fallback position in negotiations, vis-à-vis the turtle food: “Hold it.”

On books, be they board books, pop-up books, hiking books or Russian literature: “Read it.”

On Momma’s glass of iced tea: “Beer.”

On opening the flaps in the early pages of the epic adventure, Where Is Baby’s Birthday Cake: “That? No!”

On discovering the birthday cake under the final flap: “Cake? Cake? No!”

On the final item on his list of the parts of a duck: “Butt.”

 

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Gabe on the Go

Posted on June 28, 2013 by Alex Gorman

As you may be aware, I frequently photograph my children. There’s been substantial evidence on this blog that I manage to get that right a lot of the time. But lately, Gabe has been making himself a harder target. Lately, he can’t be tied down to any one spot long enough for his father to get the camera ready. He’s a mover and a shaker. He’s got things to do. So many of my photos end up looking like this:

It’s not horrible. In fact, it’s kind of cute. But it clearly isn’t the image that I was looking to take. For a more specific example, let’s examine the following photo. Gabe had been sitting on Abigail’s lap and she had been reading him a story. Here’s my photo of that adorable event:

And then there’s that time they sat next to each other in an empty cardboard box, looking cute.

Or the time I tried to get a picture of him in his Peter Pan hat.

I really tried hard to get this one. I mean, he’s just a kid wearing a hat. It’s not like he needs to sit in one place for the picture to work, like the box or a lap. No, he can run around and I just need to capture one instance of him standing still. Here he is throwing the hat over the rail on the stairs.

Sometimes you do get a good picture, even though it wasn’t the one you were looking for. Take this one here, which was supposed to be a picture of Gabe kissing the Madeleine doll:

Or this picture of Gabe leaning against Maggie. (Of course, I did get the shot I was looking for here.)

Maybe what I should really do is just let him take his own pictures. He’s pretty good at it after all.

I’ll leave you with a picture he took of his mother, albeit inadvertent. Although I’m not sure how many of his picture are actually advertant.

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The Quotable Abigail, Part 52

Posted on June 14, 2013 by Alex Gorman

On her apparent solidarity with the plight of the wee folk: “We’re all leprechauns today.”

On the Kentucky Derby odds: “But Charming Kitten might win more than we expect.”

On things to shout from the other room when your parents have no reason to suspect otherwise: “Okay, I’m gonna be good.”

On ways to get your parents to answer a tricky counting question for you: “Pretend I’m the teacher and I’m asking.”

On how regularly you need to watch out for motorcycles: “Even under the ocean when you’re wearing a whale outfit and you see a shark.”

On the big questions: “Who even made the puzzle of my name?”

On things to shout when you’re quite angry: “No! Those are not similar!”

On why she is upset by her hair: “I look like Dark Vader!”

On why it’s okay to chew on my pants leg: “I’m biting for fear.”

On the word she wants me to sing a rhyme for: “Oranges.”

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