Nonsensicles

On variable gender roles while playing pirate: “Ahoy, maid!”

On why it’s hard to get to Mars: “Because the street is blocked.”

On the proper question to ask about killer whales: “Do they kill?”

On crossing the parking lot: “Hurry! You don’t want to get ker-smashed!”

On gruesome variations on a theme: “Don’t let the blood bugs drink!”

On using pretend money to buy my own shoes from my own closet: “Sorry, we don’t have the real kind of money.”

On eating advice: “Use those teeth*, Gabe!”

On throwing her arms up in the air: “I don’t usually do that on the roller coaster because I’m too busy doing other stuff.”

On the job I did brushing her hair: “I am not impressed.”

On learning that whales and dolphins make milk: “But they pump it.”

*Gabe had two teeth to use at the time of this quote.

On hearing about her upcoming make-up swim lesson: “But the make-up might wash off…”

On anatomy: “Everyone in the land has bones. Even you, Gabe.”

On being told not to poke people with her fork: “Can you poke spoons?”

On peas: “I want the freezing cold ones for dinner!”

On my observations about the difficulty of a given task: “Don’t worry. I’m a four year old. I know how to do that.”

On voices: “Girls have girl squeaks and boys have boy squeaks.”

On my comment about where the cool kids sleep: “Yeah, that’s where all the cold kids sleep.”

On the cause of all that coolness: “Because they don’t have any blankets.”

On guessing the number of minutes until her pasta is done, after trying 12, 10, 9, 1 and 3: “When you die?”

On why she’s sitting beneath the table with her milk: “I’ll just be under here drinking.”

On big sisterly advice: “Don’t ever jump in the pond, because there’s sea turtles in there.”

On what she said she’d been planning to tell me for five days: “You’re not my prince. Gabriel is my prince.”

On what she’s doing to that door with that squeegee: “Shaving.”

On deciding I don’t know the definition of the word, delicious: “Delicious means two minutes.”

On the different languages on the mall intercom: “That’s very silly German.”

On having just watched Arriety, Mary Poppins and the Lion King on our drive: “Can I watch another movie now?”

On Daddy’s rant about being polite: “Please pause.”

On the bride: “Is Shiree real?”

On things you might overhear while she played with toys, none of which were pigs: “Look at these pig droppings!”

On Gabe saying, “Ahhhhhhhh”: “BUH-gail.”

On a hard day’s work: “Maleficent pricked all those fingers and now she’s tired.”

On me pulling her out of a cage of pillows so that we can go to the superrmarket: “I don’t like being un-trapped.”

On Daddy casting his ballot: “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

On the Mythbusters: “They sure live close to France-in-cisco.”

On my parenting: “Dad was making my dreams be dead.”

On why she’s sticking her tongue out like that: “What does my spit look like?”

On whether she’ll play golf: “When I’m Queen I might.”

On the evidence that the dog has been in my car: “Your fur is pretty well furry.”

On Rhoda and uncle John: “They’re old silly!”

On things I’m actually willing to go along with for the moment: “Can I have a paper towel? Don’t look over there.”